Excerpts: “Nearly all regrets fall into four core categories–foundation regrets, boldness regrets, moral regrets, and connection regrets” (p. 15).

“We can visit the past and the future in our heads. And we can tell the story of something that never actually happened. Human beings are both seasoned time travelers and skilled fabulists. These two capabilities twine together to form the cognitive double helix that gives life to regret” (p. 18).

“At least counterfactuals preserve our feelings in the moment, but they rarely enhance our decisions or performance in the future. If Only counterfactuals degrade our feelings now, but–and this is key–they can improve our lives later” (p. 38).

“The lesson of closed doors is to do better next time. The lesson of open doors is to do something now. If a relationship you care about has come undone, place the call. Make that visit. Say what you feel. Push past the awkwardness and reach out” (p. 146).

“After self-disclosure relieves the burden of carrying a regret, and self-compassion reframes the regret as a human imperfection rather than an incapacitating flaw, self-distancing helps you analyze and strategize–to examine the regret dispassionately without shame or rancor and to extract from it a lesson that can guide your future behavior” (p. 178).

“Anticipating regret offers a convenient tool for judgment. In situations where you’re unsure of your next move, ask yourself, ‘In the future, will I regret this decision if I don’t do X?'” (p. 193).

“If our lives are the stories we tell ourselves, regret reminds us that we have a dual role. We are both the authors and the actors. We can shape the plot but not fully. We can toss aside the script but not always. We live at the intersection of free will and circumstance” (p. 209).

Pink, Daniel H. (2022). The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. New York: Riverhead Books.