Excerpts: “How you adapt that story–how you revise, rethink, and rewrite your personal narrative as things change, lurch, or go wrong in your life–matters even more” (p. 3).
“Instead, life is filled with chaos and complexity, periods of order and disorder, linearity and nonlinearity. In place of steady lines, observers now see loops, spirals, wobbles, fractals, twists, tangles, and turnabouts” (p. 15).
“Agency is so important that even deluding yourself that you have it can improve your life. Merely understanding a problem, even if you can’t do anything about it, gives you a sense of control” (p. 111).
“I think of these moments as meaning vacuums, when the air is sucked out of our lives and the previous balance of tendencies that give us agency, belonging, and cause is wiped clean” (p. 121).
“But far more frequently, we actually move in new directions. Instead of going back to what we were before, we go sideways, forward, or some unforeseen place entirely. Shape-shifting, in other words, is nonlinear, just like every other aspect of the nonlinear life” (p. 135).
“The first two–identifying your emotions and ritualizing the change–are broadly associated with the long goodbye. The next two–giving up old mind-sets and trying new things–generally happen in the messy middle. The final two–unveiling your new self and composing a fresh story–usually happen during the new beginning” (p. 163).
“You imagine a new life for yourself and that simple glimmer of fantasy becomes a reassuring sign that you’re starting to conjure up the future and are no longer just padlocked to the past” (p. 238).
“One day it just happens. A tinge of normalcy appears, a glimmer of light, an inhale that need not pass a clenched jaw, an exhale that doesn’t end in a sigh. The past no longer casts such a long shadow; the future begins to come into view” (p. 261).
“In times of trouble, we latch on to small things. We focus on seemingly minor or random acts that become irrationally important symbols of our ability to persevere” (p. 267).
“The story is the one part of a transition that ties together all the other parts. I used to be that. Then I went through a life change. Now I am this” (p. 285).
“We have a choice in how we tell our life story. We do not write it in permanent ink. There are no points for consistency, or even accuracy. We can change it at any time, for any reason, including one as simple as making ourselves feel better” (p. 293).
Feiler, Bruce (2020). Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age. New York: Penquin Press.