Excerpts: “We develop in relationship with our earliest caregivers—our sense of self, our identity, our needs, and our personality traits are shaped based on how we were cared for” (p. 1).

“There are two things we can do with these feelings of fear and distrust: We can be ruled by the feeling and stay hidden, or we can feel the fear and join in anyway” (p. 11)

“Our challenge is to not lose our faith in the inherent goodness of most people. Not all humans are all bad, and some of them are rally great and will be fun and interesting” (p. 13).

“The proliferation of material things has become a measure of progress; wealth occupies a higher position than wisdom; and notoriety is more admired than dignity. Our politicians, our institutions, and our culture are steeped in narcissism—we have a culture that overvalues image at the expense of truth” (p 39-40).

“It may be easier to understand another’s experience if you can see that we each have a dominant—or preferred—way of coping. These are usually thinking, feeling, or doing. Some of us like to think our way out of trouble. Others need to explore their feelings first. And others go straight into action mode. I imagine these three ways of being as doors, and what we need to know is which are open, which are closed, and which are locked” (p. 52).

“Acknowledging a shared role in difficulties and conflict, and accepting that others may have a different way of coping from you, is the first essential step in understanding the problem and working toward a resolution” (p. 56).

“Fact tennis is when two people in an argument are lobbing reasons and facts over the net to each other, finding more and more to hit the other person with. The aim becomes point scoring rather than finding a workable solution” (p. 69).

“The short answer to how we get unstuck is to take responsibility for our actions and belief systems. Identify your patterns of behavior notice whether these are a response to the past, and then start to respond to your circumstances as they are now” (p. 106).

“It isn’t easy, but the great thing about the passing years is that we learn how to gain more control of our lives in the present rather than continue to be ruled by our pasts” (p. 108).

“We change it by noticing what we normally do, inhibit our normal reaction, and work to form an alternative response, and thus develop a new habit” (p. 116).

“At any age we can be faced with the challenge of having to reconcile our inner picture of ourselves to our external reality” (p. 144).

“Growing older and more frail allows us to see what it is that brings us joy and fulfillment, and generally it tends to be our relationships: relationships with family and friends, with neighbors and shopkeepers, but also with old books, paintings, possession, and ideas” (p. 178).

“The only message I want to get across now is to be forgiving of your own mistakes, and the mistakes of others” (p. 194).

Perry, Philippa. (2023). The Book You Want Everyone You Love* to Read *(and maybe a few you don’t). New York: Hachette Books.