Excerpts: “There is no doubt that self-sufficiency, persistence, and emotional regulation absolutely help us adapt to change and crisis, but what matters is knowing when to use them and when to stop. The real strength that we should be encouraging is cognitive flexibility” (p. 24).

“We are capable of adapting and thriving not despite our frailties and interdependences but because of them. ‘Strong’ can just as easily, if we choose to conceive of it differently, mean mutual care, accepting vulnerability, learning from what we fear, and resisting harmful ideologies” (p. 26).

“Sometimes, knowing when to abandon a goal is the resilience skill worth cultivating” (p. 63).

“If every obstacle, problem, or hardship can be turned into an opportunity to learn and do better next time, when does your improving end? Are you ever enough as you are?” (p. 63).

“Resilient people use both optimism and pessimism strategically to gain the critical insights and information they need to adjust to change. Again, the key to using optimism to enhance resilience is in rejecting black-and-white, either/or thinking” (p. 98).

“Even the hardiest and most flexible individual cannot overcome the limitations of stacked economies, dysfunctional workplaces, and cruel systems” (p. 115)

Intrusive memories are distressing not only because they cause us pain but because of the way that they collapse the past into the present and, in a fearful apprehension, the past and present into the future. It’s also hard, when you are anxious or stressed, to look forward to a time when you won’t feel the same way, because negative feelings can feel permanent. Under stress and in crises, you are more likely to respond to empty urgencies, seek immediate rewards, and minimize future risks, a cognitive habit known as temporal discounting” (p. 161-162).

“Because trauma is, at its heart, a pervasive crisis of meaning, recovering is a process of creating and defining new meaning” (p. 201).

“Both/and thinking, though, acknowledges life’s complexities and the fact that many things can be true at the same time, allowing for more nuance and possibility” (p. 209).

Chemaly, Soraya. (2024). The Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth After Trauma. New York: One Signal Publishers, Inc.